|
Ass | French Culture |
| Quotes |
| cultivation, ...,discernment, ..., polish ... |
| "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain 5 |
| ... breeding, .... refinement, ... sophistication, ... |
| "I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" --- Hannibal Lecter 5 |
| ..., erudition, ...., body of knowledge, .... |
| "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." --- Dennis Miller 5 |
| ..., know-how, ..., learning, ..., lore, .... |
| "Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France." --- David Letterman 5 |
| ...., science, ... wisdom, .... |
| "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --- Conan O'Brien 5 |
| ..., society, ..., community, ...., populace, ..., population, ... |
| "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." --- Jay Leno 5 |
| ..., country, ..., la France, ..., pays de la France, ...., culture française, .... |
| "President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Wow, this guy can't stop slamming the French." -Craig Kilborn 5 |
| ..., French people, ..., Les français, ..., Histoire française.... |
| "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989) 5 |
 |
ass | Intro. French 2003 |
| Jokes |
| Frog jokes |
|
Q : Why don't the French eat M&M candies? A : They're too hard to peel. 5 |
| ..., yield, ... cede, .., waive, ... , forgo, ..., renounce, .. , relinquish, ... |
|
Q : Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine? A : He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town. 5 |
| ... , leave, ... , pack it in, ... retire, .. stand down, .. step down, .. withdraw, ... |
|
Q : What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? A : More sand. 5 |
| ... , resign, ... , abandon, .. , bow out, ... , drop out of, .. , give up, ... |
|
Q : What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In the middle of the road? A : There's skid marks in front of the skunk. 5 |
| ... , yellow coward, ... |
|
Q : How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A : One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him. 5 |
| ... , sag .. , submit, ... , wilt, .. , yield, .. , yield, ... , fall, .. , .. |
|
Q : You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city
street. One British, one American, one French. They all seem intent on
mugging you. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. What
do you do? A : Shoot the Frenchman twice. 5 |
| ... , crumble, ... , knuckle under, ... |
| Why did the French send Lady Liberty to
America? A. They had no use for her anyway. B. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France for God's sake. C. She wouldn't put out. D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the British. As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the balls to do what is right. F. All of the above 5 |
| ... , French bastards, ... , Froggies, ... , Frogies, ... |
|
Q : Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? A. To get as far away from the French as possible. 5 |
| ... , cave in, ..., Français..., reddition..., lâche..., traître... |
|
Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French
children? A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!! 5 |
| ..., yield, ...succumb, ..., acquiesce, ... , bend, ... , bow, ... , capitulate, .... |
|
A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. The barman says "That's an real ugly bird you've there. Where did u get it?" The parrot says "I got it in France ... There's millions of 'em there" 5 |
| ...., French art, ... |
|
A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here." The Frenchwoman says, "Excuse me...but that's a duck." The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck." |
| ..., French prostitution, ... |
| Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry. A: A good days hunting. |
| .., French whore, ... |
| Q : If you're in France, and you're attacked by a very large dog, what's the best way to defend yourself? A : Step on it. |
| .., French ho, ... |
| Q : What's the difference between a Frenchwoman
and a werewolf? A : The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better. |
| .., French bordello, ... |
| Q : Why do the French Smell? A : So blind people can hate them too! |
| .., waste of flesh, ... |
| Q : What do you call 20 French politicians face down in the Channel? A : A start. |
| .., morons inc., ... |
| Q : Where can you find 90,000,000 French jokes? A : In France |
| .., conceited, ... |
| Q : What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? A : Linoleum blownapart. |
| .., arrogant bastards, .... |
| Q : Where do you find 60 million
French jokes? A : In France. |
| Five
surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes, "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable." 12, 13 |
| ..., example of the need for euthanasia, .... |
| Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water." |
| Gaul, |
| A Texan, an
Englishman and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled
crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest
them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia,
so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze,
they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Englishman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Englishman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do). The Texan was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Texan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked. "Tie the Frenchman to my back." |
| Frenchie is a winnie |
The History Of The French Military
| Thanks to : |
| 5. Colonel Dan |
| 12. Annoney |
| 13. PW |
| 23. Navybrat52 |
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