THE FIRST AND LAST EPISODE OF BABYLON 5 SURVIVOR
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JEFF PROBST: (with slicked hair, tailored suit, and gold necklace) Hello 
Survivors, my ...umm... associates have come up with doozie this week. It's 
called the "Starfire Wheel Immunity Challenge". 

DELENN: In Valen's name.... 

JEFF PROBST: Cut the chit-chat! Here's how it works. You step into this
circle here and then this aperture thingee in the ceiling opens up and the 
person who lasts the longest without exploding wins. 

LONDO: What exzzactly do we win, Meesta Probst? 

JEFF PROBST: Well.... What Do You Want? (ominous Chris Franke music) 

LONDO: I want things back the way they were. I want to see the mighty 
Centauri Republic fulfill IT'S DESTIN.... 

JEFF PROBST: Alright, alright. I've seen the re-runs. 

G'KAR: Thank you. 

JEFF PROBST: So, Captain Sheridan. Any truth to the rumors of an Alliance? A 
so-called Conspiracy of Light? 

SHERIDAN: I don't know what your talking about. 
FRANKLIN: Never heard of it. 
GARIBALDI: I wouldn't know. I don't tell myself anything. 

BESTER: They're lying! 
LYTA: No they're not. 

JEFF PROBST: Uh huh. 

BYRON: I haven't had a good sleep in three lifetimes. 

JEFF PROBST: Oh, shut up you fruitcake! 

IVANOVA: Why am I here? I thought I walked out. 
LOCHLEY: Really, why are you here? 
IVANOVA: Hey there, hotstuff. 
LOCHLEY: Uhoh. 

JEFF PROBST: Okay, okay. Enough sexual tension! 
SURVIVORS! INTO THE CIRCLE! 

*The Aperture begins to open * 

GARIBALDI: Can someone put this sunscreen on my head? 
LONDO: Yes! Me next! 
BESTER: Ouch, that's hot! 

BYRON: (first to go) * Poof * 
IVANOVA: Ughhh, I hate the smell of burning hair! Uhoh! * Poof * 
LONDO: BUT WHAT ABOUT MY DREAAAMMMM? * Poof * 
VIR: IT'S JUST A METAPHORRRRRRR! * Poof * 
G'KAR: * Poof * 
FRANKLIN * Poof * 
LYTA: Why'd I come back in Season 2? * Poof *
BESTER: HEY! You sold me your body! No fair! * Poof * 
ZACK: Ummm.. what? * Poof * 
GARIBALDI: Oh nuts! * Poof * 

JEFF PROBST: Well, looks like we're down to just these two. John and Delenn. 
You notice how it's always the ones with top billing? They're looking pretty 
shaky. We should have a winner in a minute! 

DELENN: John! 
SHERIDAN: Delenn! 
DELENN: John! 
SHERIDAN: Delenn! 

LENNIER: Delenn! 
DELENN: LENNIER! 
SHERIDAN: LENNIER! You're not allowed within 150 feet of Delenn. Remember 
the restraining order?! 

LENNIER: But I've come to help! 
DELENN: Yes, Lennier. HELP! 
LENNIER: Hold on a few seconds, okay? 

SHERIDAN: * Poof * 

LENNIER: Alrighty then! 

JEFF PROBST: It seems we have an intruder on the set. He's jumped into the 
circle and thrown Delenn out. Something vaguely familiar about this but the 
judges say it's okay! The fans wanted some kind of resolution to his story! 

LENNIER: I WANT MY MOMMY! * Poof * 

JEFF PROBST: Well, there you have it folks. Delenn is the winner. 

DELENN: * cries on cue * (heart wrenching Chris Franke music) 

JEFF PROBST: We hope you've enjoyed the program as mush as we've enjoyed 
making it. We killed 'em in the ratings! Tune in next fall for Survivor2: 
The Wrath of Trek. We got something called a "Doomsday Machine" lined up for 
that one. 

* Cue dramatic music and helicopter camera shot *