BABY-LON 5 SYNDROME  

Delenn Syndrome, a subset disease

Over the years pediatricians world wide have begun to recognize a new syndrome facing the world's children, Baby-lon 5 Syndrome.

Starting in 1993, physicians started to notice symptoms of a unique syndrome we now know to be " Baby-lon 5 Syndrome." 

Our Health reporter asked Doctor Spock to comment on the condition.

Dr. Spock : "Though the first symptoms began around February 1993, few doctors picked up on it until later that year. The condition is composed of a complex of signs.  We later learned these signs were associated with a UPN show Babylon 5.  'UPN' is not the 'Universal Product Number' pharmacies use, by the way. Though, UPN could use some drugs and life support"

So what is this syndrome like?

Dr. Spock : "We see the syndrome in children in their formative years.  They begin to incorporate B5-isms into their normal growth mile stones"

Any Examples you can share with us? 

Dr. Spock : "You know have a baby likes "Peek-A-Boo?"  Well, these children say "Peek-a-boo Garibaldi" and Peek-a-boo Jerry Doyle ! " Later in life they use this as the password on their first computer.

Any others? 

Centauri Syndrome, a subset disease

Dr. Spock : "There are so many, these children assume Ambassador Londo Mollari invented " The Hockey Poocky."

"Further more when teachers ask ' What has feathers and a long beak and goes quack ? "  These children answer a "cat !"

Interesting, anything else?

Dr. Spock : "Oh yes, it warps these children's view of the world.  Everything is interpreted as if it were in the B5 universe.  A parent says ' Give me five.'  The child responds ' Give me B 5 ! '  They think Sesame Street is sponsored by the letter ' B '  and the number ' 5. '  Toddlers fall, and instead of ' I go boom.'   They say, ' Boom, boom, boom.  Boom today boom tomorrow.'  B5 is very addictive."

I imagine most parents could deal with that.

Dr. Spock : "I guess you have never listened to a child sing ' Michael's Silver Hammer ' as ' Michael's Bonnie Hammer ' a few thousand times."

Excuse me Doctor Spock, but you seem to be taking this very personally.  These children just seem to have found something they love and have incorporated it into their young lives.

Dr. Spock : "Listen, broadcast babe.  I'm a has been pediatrician whose books no longer sell.  Too make matters worse I share my name with a has been Vulcan from a cancelled science fiction TV show that never asked me back for spin offs. "

That explains the UPN comment.  Care for a Prozac Doc?

Dr. Spock : "Thanks."

Published April 28 , 2002
Updated : April 29, 2002 

Dr. Spock

Mr. Spock

Delusion Foci