WHERE IS KOSH?  MAY 2002

VORLON AMBASSADOR KOSH

The beloved Vorlon and First One, Kosh, was spotted this month filling in for besieged psychic "Miss Cleo."

We were very surprised to hear from our Entertainment Editor that  she spotted the former Vorlon Ambassador filling in for indicted and embattled psychic "Miss Cleo."

It appears the Vorlon has taken up fortune telling by telephone.  We asked the representative for the company, Access Resources Services Inc, for some details.

So Mr. Feder, what is up with Kosh at the network?

Mr. Feder : "That's Steven "the Nakaleen' Feder.  Ever since NASA brought me to Florida, I've tried to retain some of my heritage in my name.  As I say, "we'll read you future and your mind then suck it dry!"

Uh, yah, but what about the switch in you company's figure head? Didn't the Missouri Attorney General file 94 charges against you in the St. Louis Circuit Court causing you to face fines of up to $5,000 per violation if you are found liable?

Mr. Feder : "A misunderstanding, once I meet the Judge and get to show him my tentacle, ... uh ... I mean hand, he'll forget all about that.  With Kosh we are putting all that behind us.  He will be our psychic ambassador of good will."

You last figure head, Miss Cleo, is out?  Is that because she is really Youree Dell Harris who grew up in Los Angeles, California and has been exposed as a fraud with a bad Caribbean accent that has only seen the Caribbean in travel posters? 

Mr. Feder : "Let's just say Kosh is the real thing. The Vorlons created Centauri with powers of visions and seers in other races.  He's got the experience to give you insights into love, money and other personal matters. We are still 'Keepin' it Real' and finding 'the answers for free.'"

Ah, speaking of you slogan, what about the restraining orders, violations of Missouri's no-call law, misrepresented reduced rates and waiver fees for the three minutes for each phone call, charging callers on hold, charging callers as they provide their information, calls made by minors who did not receive parental consent, .....

Mr. Feder : "Wait a minute, I had permission from that Vatican and our local bishop before he was defrocked to do whatever I want with those minors!" 

.... deceptively misrepresent that a "reading" will be provided at no cost, 
misrepresent that consumers' free minutes have not expired, misrepresenting that the consumer had been awarded additional free time, misrepresenting that the consumer will not be charged while on hold, charging dead people, and residents who never requested the service, ....

Mr. Feder : "Wait a minute, John Edward told me he got permission from those dead people who crossed over!"

..... threatening to report adverse information to credit reporting bureaus
without first conducting an investigation of billing errors , failing to make required cost disclosures in advertisements, diluting the disclosures with contradictory information, 

Mr. Feder : "That was Earth Gov. Speak and Interlak ... "

... falsely representing that consumers are legally required to pay for services even though no such legal obligation exists, 

Mr. Feder : "The Vorlon Lord Of Order will show them their obligations !"

... engaging in unfair practices by frequently and repeatedly calling
consumers including consumers who had previously indicated they
did not wish to receive such calls, by failing to provide consumers with a reasonable method to stop such calls .... 

Mr. Feder : "Listen this is all behind us.  Kosh will bring in a new era just ask him."

Okay Mr. Kosh what about me?

Kosh : "You will die."

Cute. These tarot readings are only for "entertainment purposes right?"

Mr. Feder : "Kosh is never wrong."

Kosh : "The pebbles have voted and you are going to die."

Mr. Feder : "Kosh reads pebbles not Tarot."

Ugh ........

Mr. Feder : "I think she's dead. Do you really do this?"

Kosh : "Yes"

Mr. Feder : "Maybe we should talk again about what I promised you in that contract ..... "

Call Kosh Now!

Published on: April 26, 2002
Updated April 28, 2002 

Kosh

Miss Cleo