| YODA'S STORY
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Yoda smokes marijuana
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Yoda. Revered Jedi
Master. 900 year old genius. Very smart short green guy. Star of
4 Star Wars movies and at least 1 computer game. That game is Yoda's
Story, but this article isn't about that.
Yoda's Story is a game for young
kids where you potter about as the old Muppet, but Yoda's REAL Story is
somewhat different. One of the biggest mysteries to any Star Wars fan
is what species is Yoda? I can answer that, he's human.
"What do you mean he's
human?", I hear you cry, "he's short, green and has three digits!
And the ears...." All very good arguments. Your average
human doesn't look like that. Yoda didn't look like that 80 years ago.
He was born Hershel Yodakovich, son of a dentist and homemaker. Early
live for Hershel, Hershey to friends, was pretty typical. He had good
grades, went to college to become an accountant, met a beautiful woman and
got married. Life was fine, if a little dull. Then the sixties
hit...
"Boring life, I lead"
said the Jedi Master, in a rare interview with me. Yoda doesn't
interviews all the time, I don't. "Always my mind on where I was,
hmm? What I was doing! Adventure, huh. Excitement, an
accountant craves not these things!" Yoda was out for a drive one
day when everything changed.
"A Volkswagen van, it was.
My future friends Cheech and Chong were it's owners. Broken down they
had and help I did." That one act of typical kindness would
change his life for ever. "Helped them fix the van I did, and
Cheech wanted to reward me. Chong said 'He's too old. Too old to
start the training, man" but Cheech was insistent. I had my first
dooby that day and a blur the next 20 years are."
Yoda spent the next couple of
decades completely trashed. Constant exposure to various illicit
substances caused him to shrink, permanently died his skin and loose his
sense of sentence structure. His fingers and toes were lost in various
incidents with sharp instruments in an attempt to cook food when he had the
munchies. He didn't even remember making the first couple of movies,
and most of The Phantom Menace is also a blur.
"Helped me, Sam did."
Yoda is of course referring to co-star Samuel L Jackson. Sam is a
recovered alcoholic and knows a thing or two about getting over addiction.
"I came on to the set for one of the Council scenes," said Sam,
"and was amazed to be working with Yoda. I mean, he's the man!
I was more amazed when I saw what was in his hand." Sam had
walked in on Yoda blazing up on set. Over the next few months he
helped Yoda give it all up and get back in shape. The results can be
seen in Attack of the Clones in cinemas in just under two weeks.
"Kick ass, I do." exclaimed Yoda, proudly. "Clones is the
first film I remember making, but I have seen the others. Trouble even
walking I had. Wait until you see me now!"
Next time Ranger Dave will be
talking to Chewbacca about his fur ball issues.
joint. drugs, sex, alcohol, hippe, hippy, mantra,
meditate, guru
Published on : May 5, 2002
Updated : June 26, 2002
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