THE ALIEN DENTAL ASSOCIATION

The dentists of the ADA

It was announced today that several health care insurance companies have enlisted the Alien Dental Association ( A.D.A. ) as a new "preferred provider."

With the growing need to cut costs to increase profits the executives of the insurance industry have turned their eyes to the ADA.  In return the ADA has promised cut rate economy dental care.

Our Health Care Correspondent interviewed the insurance industry's representative Mr. Scrooge.

Reporter : Mr. Scrooge how did you get the idea of using The Alien Dental Association?

Mr. Scrooge : "Well, we saw what our colleagues in health care had done, ER visit pre-approvals, sending out Mothers the day after delivery, pre-approvals for specialists, HMOs, formularies with a few old drugs, ... etc.  However, those don't work in dentistry."

"Then this guy Mr. Morden game to use and suggested Off Worlders.  He said if sweat shops came bring in aliens for cheap labor why not bring in a few of your own."

"We just got them from farther away."

Reporter : "So it was all price?"

Mr. Scrooge : "Oh yah, ever heard of an insurance company doing anything that wasn't for profit?"

Reporter : "So there is no added benefit to the patient?"

Mr. Scrooge : "Well, not exactly.  They do great implants.  The last patient I heard said after getting his, ' It's a Keeper ! ' "

"In the future we plan to have our Shadow associates doing personality implants."

Reporter : "That's a little bit different from dentistry isn't it?"

Mr. Scrooge : "Well, we strive to treat the whole person.  Say you have a sweet tooth.  Do you go to the other ADA?  No, the American Diabetic Association will just give you a bummer of a diet.  When you loose those teeth do you go to the ADA.  No, The Americans With Disabilities Act doesn't cover you. You go to our ADA.  The Alien Dental Association docs will wield that crysknife so fast you will not know what happened. We will get that implant or filling before you know it and we'll drive you home in a Shadow vessel.   Actually, you'll drive as a CPU and all.

Reporter : "Will there be a co-pay?"

Mr. Scrooge : "Just your mortal soul."

Reporter : "Do you think you can sell this?"

Mr. Scrooge : "Oh yes; we got Enron to COBRA in it's employees. We have got Duke Leto and Doctor Wellington Yueh to do a commercial on our new 'gas tooth.'  It is a killer."

Reporter : "Aren't they both dead and both characters in the novel ' Dune ?' "

Mr. Scrooge : "Technicality, if John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart can be created for TV commercials, why not this?"

Reporter : "I would think that would violate Frank Herbert's ' Dune ' copyright."

Mr. Scrooge : "Now there's a guy who is dead."

Reporter : "Never mind."

Published : May 30, 2002
Links Updated : June 25, 2002

" Dune "

Our Docs

Mr. Morden

Our Patient Reps.