KOSH JOINS THE PRIESTHOOD

VORLON AMBASSADOR KOSH

The beloved Vorlon and First One, Kosh, was spotted this month filling in for a besieged Catholic priest.

Recently the Church has found itself embroiled in a series of sex scandals that have rocked its foundations and resulted in many priest's suspensions and defrocking.   In the attempt to fill the gap, it appears that they turned to our favorite Vorlon.

The Galactic Inquizitor's Religion and Theology reporter got this story.

Reporter : "As a church spokesman, can you give us some background?"

Father Damian : "Well, we have had a problem finding a few good men lately."

Reporter : " I assume you mean the low number of applications to the seminary and not as dates?"

Father Damian : "Yes, young men today are not into discipline.  For years we have whipped them into shape, but now things are different."

Reporter : " Do you think the celibacy policy and books like ' Goodbye, Good Men ' are costing you applicants?" ¹

Father Damian : "That is a unfair portrayal of work in the semenary ... I mean 'seminary.'  We only has leather parties bi-weekly, not all the time. This is purely a American anti-Catholic conspiracy. Boys will be boys ..... unless they play the girls part"

Reporter : "I thought there is a French Bishop, Pierre Pican, in jail, a Polish Archbishop facing charges of sexual misconduct, ...." ^3,4

Father Damian : "Yes, yes, but nothing like our problem's in America. With nearly a hundred priests involved in Boston we must lay down the law, Cardinal Law that is." ²

Reporter : "So Kosh will be Cardinal Law's replacement?  Why Kosh?"

Father Damian : "You did not hear that from me, but Kosh is ideal.  No one knows his sex or even if he has sex. That encounter suit also keeps him honest.  Ever tried sex in an encounter suit?"

Reporter : "No.  Is Kosh even Catholic?"

Vorlon God Boogi ( click to enlarge )

Father Damian : "Well technically, no. There is that problem with Vorlon God Boogi?

Reporter : "Boogi?"

Father Damian : "It seems Vorlons have a few Gods and Boogi is one of them.  It does confuse some of the parishioners when Kosh puts a bucket on the statures before prayer.  We just tell the flock that Boogi is patron saint of buckets and those in encounter suits."

Reporter : "Do people understand him being an alien and all?"

Father Damian : "He speaks English.  None of us quite understand what he says, but we do services in Latin so Catholics have had no idea what we've been saying for years.  I've read the baseball scores in Latin and no one noticed."

Reporter : "So people relate to Kosh?"

Father Damian : "Oh yes.  Especially after that incident with the encounter suit."

"He took the catechism class to the beach and it got stripped off in a rip tide.   Everyone claims something different, but we got a lot of believers that day, even a few Muslims, Buddhist, and Hari Krishna. Everyone says he's an angel."

Reporter : "So Kosh works everyday?"

Father Damian :"He works a regular schedule.  He is just on today because of the matinee."

Father Damian : "The theater is showing a marathon that includes 'About A Boy,' 'The Lost Boys,' 'Wonder Boys,' 'Bad Boys,' 'The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys,' 'Sorority Boys,' .... "

Reporter : "I get the idea."

Father Damian : "Well, I have to go.  Time to polish the old pentagram.  Feel free to tour the Church and catch a word with brother Kosh."

alien sex, .... Vorlon Home World, .... law suit, ....

rape, ... alien religion, ....

sodomy, ......nun, .......

Catholic sex practices, .....

Published on: June 10, 2002
Links Updated on : July 17, 2002

Note : All joking aside, no disrespect is meant to those good hard working priests.

Kosh

Goodbye
Good Men

Boston
Cardinal Law

Dangerous Lives
Of Alter Boys

French Bishop,
Pierre Pican